


All the World to Ashes Turning

by unorigelnal (jayburding)



Series: The Sound of Silence [2]
Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: Child Death, Depression, Stillbirth, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-19
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-03 22:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayburding/pseuds/unorigelnal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to The Sound of Silence. For the prompt asking for "a second part where he buries his baby or tells his mother."</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the World to Ashes Turning

Loki couldn’t bury her. It repelled him, the thought of leaving her in the ground to wither away, decay and the ecstatic feeding of insects slowly reducing her to bones. He had brought her into the world cold and bloody. He was determined she would leave it clean and warm.

Despite his exhaustion, the green fire flickered in his palm readily enough. With his tiny daughter held tight against his chest, he whispered her new name to her and watched her curl away into ash. For hours he remained and watched the wind wash her out of his grasp.

When he couldn’t pretend she was there anymore, he left.

Teleporting took more out of him than he realised, or perhaps it was that he hadn’t considered how little he had to spare. He woke on the floor of his room, the long light of noon burning his back, a familiar stiffness in his muscles suggesting he had been there a while. The fierce ache in his stomach felt no different.

He burned his blood stiff clothes as soon as he could tear himself free of them; it was worth the dizziness afterwards to not have to look at them.

Thor came by at some point, complaining outside the door that he hadn’t seen Loki recently: his brother’s version of “I’m worried; please open up”. Frigga stopped at his door too, with soft words about trust and sweetened promises, as if she could make the world right by virtue of being his mother. They both left disappointed.

His father didn’t so much as knock on his door. Loki had never been more relieved to be ignored.

The world went on with little regard for his loss, and Loki found himself falling behind no matter how hard he tried to recall how life was meant to work. He forgot apples when he visited his only ~~child~~ son; flinched when Sleipnir nudged at his arms, crossed tight over his stomach; winced and couldn’t bear to look again when he saw the realisation dawn on his eldest. It was the first time he’d wished- privately and regretted it immediately- that Sleipnir was no smarter than he appeared.

“There’s nothing there anymore,” he muttered, and didn’t dare say more, because the tears were burning his eyes and if he spoke again they’d fall and probably never stop. If he was lucky, he’d drown, and the whole damn world could go with him. Sleipnir tried to hug him like he had before but Loki slipped away from him, slick as ice and just as cold. Out of reach, he didn’t respond to Sleipnir’s increasingly frantic whinnying, and left the stallion to cry himself quiet in his mother’s place.

Much as he might have wished to, Loki couldn’t hide forever. Avoiding his family only worked so long before they came after him instead. Thor was no longer content with being blocked by the door: it was only wood and Mjöllnir delighted in reducing such things to splinters. There should have been more, if Loki really intended to keep his brother out, but his magic was absent these days.

He tried to call it once, but the room only filled with the scent of ash and flickering green fire.

As predicted, Thor broke into Loki’s room a mere ten minutes after clumsy soft words failed to move Loki into releasing the lock.

“You’ll need to replace that,” Loki told him, not so much as glancing up at Thor from the book he wasn’t reading. His hands didn’t tremble anymore, and he was thankful because even Thor wasn’t so blind as to miss that.

“Brother...” The word was reverent and gentle with some emotion Loki wasn’t sure he wanted to interpret. He felt Thor kneel beside his seat and resolutely kept his eye on the page, though his focus was already slipping. Just the heat of his brother’s form, slipping across the bare inches between them, was enough to make him feel ill.

“Was there something you needed, or did the door offend you in some way?” Loki hadn’t expected Thor to hug him, and he should have because Thor was a tactile stereotype, affirming the world around him with touch. Sleipnir learned it from him.

“What happened, Loki?”

  _The world ended._  He wanted to say. _In blood and fire and ash, just as predicted. But I am still alive. Why is that?_

Loki shrugged off Thor’s grip and turned back to the book. It might as well have been blank, for the words made as much sense to him as cinders spilling through his hands, scattered by the wind.

“Nothing of consequence.”


End file.
